Monday, June 2, 2014

In Light Of Recent Events

It is hard to take a good long long look at yourself, isn't it?
You may look in the mirror and tear yourself apart for the tiniest of things. Things no one else truly notices but you. You may also have a hard time hearing truth about yourself, looking inside. I know I do.
It just shows me one more way I have failed.
Utterly and completely failed once again to be perfect.

Oh perfection, you may deny you try for it, but how are you really when something "goes wrong"? Can you embrace it as a learning experience? Do you relish the chance to learn and grow? Or perhaps you slough it off and move on? No? Maybe you get mad at yourself or others, or beat yourself up for not getting it right....sound familiar?
I have been told it is a matter of pride.
Yes, pride.
I wonder about that. I can see when you are upset something isn't the way you want it, that's pride. I can see it when you want things done your way, that is clearly pride, but when you failed once more? It doesn't feel like pride, it seems like a big ol reminder of what I am not. A nice slap in the face ...oh wait, that is pride. Expecting to be better than human...expecting to be like our creator, perfect.

That hurts.

It isn't the kind of pride that prances around with ones nose in the air making sure the "little people" know you are amazing...nope. It is subtle and sneaky, and whispers lies into your ears that you deserve things to be right, and your way, and the way you expected and "perfect".

Yep. I have a lot of work to do. Somewhere between I am nothing, a worthless scrap of a person and I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me is the truth.

Have you ever read that whole verse?

Philippians 4:12-14

New International Version (NIV)
12 I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. 13 I can do all this through him who gives me strength.
14 Yet it was good of you to share in my troubles.

So, it isn't about simply getting things done because we have Christ and His strength, it is about being content not matter the situation or circumstances. 
It isn't about the American dream or prosperity.
It isn't about being perfect.

It is about being content.
So this or that didn't work out, and this or that failed.
That's okay...because all things work together for good.
Have you read that entire verse in context?

Romans 8:27-29

New International Version (NIV)
27 And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for God’s people in accordance with the will of God.
28 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who[a] have been called according to his purpose. 29 For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers and sisters.

So I must ask myself, did I seek Him in this or that? What was the purpose? Was I serving Him or serving self? Was I listening? Obeying? Doing the will of the Father or just doing my own thing and expecting blessing. Oh, that is surely pride right there.  

All this to say that I am on a journey to get rid of pride.
It is ugly and a destroyer, and while I do live in grace and mercy from the Father, I would like to continue to go for the fruit of the Spirit instead...

Galatians 5:19-24

New International Version (NIV)
19 The acts of the flesh are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; 20 idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions 21 and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God.
22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. 24 Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. 
Self control is on the table too currently.
More on that another day.


No comments: