Wednesday, June 4, 2014

Hitting Your Knees Hurts Sometimes

 I was accused of not trusting someone recently.

I also accused an entirely different person(s) of not trusting me. 

I decided in light f these conversations that a word study was necessary. 

: belief that someone or something is reliable, good, honest, effective, etc.

Full Definition of TRUST

a :  assured reliance on the character, ability, strength, or truth of someone or something
b :  one in which confidence is placed
a :  dependence on something future or contingent :  hope
b :  reliance on future payment for property (as merchandise) delivered :  credit trust
a :  a property interest held by one person for the benefit of another
b :  a combination of firms or corporations formed by a legal agreement; especially :  one that reduces or threatens to reduce competition
archaic :  trustworthiness
a (1) :  a charge or duty imposed in faith or confidence or as a condition of some relationship (2) :  something committed or entrusted to one to be used or cared for in the interest of another
b :  responsible charge or office
c :  care, custody trust
in trust
:  in the care or possession of a trustee
Considering the circumstances I still hold to the belief that the person(s) I spoke of , due to their choice of words and actions, in fact do not trust me.
As for the accusation that I do not trust someone else.
Interestingly enough I do trust them, a lot. I know their character, I know them.I do trust them, but apparently in something I spoke or my own actions they do not feel trusted.
Here in lies a big problem.
I know those other persons don't trust me, they said so. I would like to point out that without detail or gossip I unfortunately was deemed guilty by vague association quite some time ago regarding something. The relationship, although proven innocent, has never fully recovered. I , for a long time, tried to prove I was faithful to this person(s) and tried my best to be all they expected, and then I got tired, because nothing was ever enough, nothing was ever good enough. I was never false, I was never brown nosing, or kissing up...I hate that stuff. I was simple honest. Which should have been enough....Enough about that,
but someone I do trust says that I don't.
What am I doing wrong? 
This is serious.
The above may be the book definition, but it doesn't matter. The true definition lies within the person receiving the trust. 
What does trust look like to you?
This person would love it if I never asked , "why?" again.
Which is hard for my personality type.
I like explanation. 
There are other things, but lets just stop there.
This circles back to pride.
Did you see that coming?
  Why do I need to know the answer? Why do I need to need to know? To evaluate the situation and come up with my own conclusion? To have all the facts? To have a an answer that is fully suitable for the question or action requested?
Yes, yes and yes.
Why is it hard to simple complete a task or answer a question without this knowledge?
For one, I want clarity. Someone speaks, and if I hear the possibility of more than one interpretation then I want to know which they meant before proceeding. Many of you would agree this is good. 
What if the clarity is so you don't get it wrong? So you don't fail?
Still good? Or are we crossing over now....
This can be helped in speaking the same language as someone else, but not solved. Example:
I am thankful to understand and be between speaking styles in those personality tests, this means I have a easier time understanding more people. My husband and I for a time had the same boss in a way. They were not always stellar at understanding each other, but thankfully I could understand them both. This saved all of us trouble.
  Now was that statement pride or fact?
It was fact, that is what happened. I am thankful for the opportunity to help out in what could have been some sticky situations. If I wasn't there, or couldn't understand, life would have gone on, and eventually (hopefully) things would have worked out.
I struggle with this, clarity, because I see it as avoiding possible confusion and problems, when others see it (asking questions for clarity) as mis-trust.

But this person, who means a great deal to me, sees questioning as a lack of trust.

What does the Bible say?

Proverbs 3:4-7

New International Version (NIV)
Then you will win favor and a good name
    in the sight of God and man.
Trust in the Lord with all your heart
    and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways submit to him,
    and he will make your paths straight.[a]
Do not be wise in your own eyes;
    fear the Lord and shun evil.
Yes, this is about trusting God...but look at what it says is trusting Him...SUBMIT.
I know some of you shuddered right there.
 What is the worldly definition of submit:

a :  to yield to governance or authority
b :  to subject to a condition, treatment, or operation submitted
to analysis> 
a :  to yield oneself to the authority or will of another :  surrender
b :  to permit oneself to be subjected to something submit
to surgery>
:  to defer to or consent to abide by the opinion or authority of another 
If you have a boss, and you want them to trust you...submit to their authority.
This doesn't mean being nothing and having no opinions or say. But it does mean that they have the final say, and to be cautious when giving ones opinion, or asking questions. 
Are they open to questions or opinions? No? Then leave it alone.

So again about pride.
If we feel we know better, or are right, or have a better solution, or a better way...pride.
If we are so convinced of all these things, how in the world can we submit?
Think this doesn't apply to friendships? Think again.
I am not suggesting that you submit to all a friend says or does, or to every friend you have. I am merely suggesting, to myself as well as the three of you that read this, that you pause, consider. Are you always the dominant, the right, to one who knows? I am learning this right along with you.
What does love look like to that friend?
Is it time? Gifts? Listening to them? 
What does trust look like?
Is it not questioning or giving an opinion every time? Is it just saying "okay"? 
If you really trust them then what is the harm. If you don't trust them evaluate why? Some people can not be trusted, I get it. This discussion started because someone I do trust thinks that I don't, and I need to change so that can change.

Proverbs 16:18
Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall. 
Proverbs 13:10
Where there is strife, there is pride, but wisdom is found in those who take advice.
Proverbs 11:2
When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom.


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