Monday, March 3, 2014

Here I Am

This sums up a lot for me.

Granted, I didn't have another child, or move across country this year, but I did fall off the good eating train, and we certainly felt the sting of lost income.

I don't know about you, but I really, truly appreciate when bloggers come clean about their real lives. The kids throw tantrums, they struggle with self doubt or the house is a mess, or they still get skin blemishes, GASP~! Whatever it is, it can help someone else feel like they aren't alone, or a misfit.

I have gained some weight back, not all of it, but I gained, I did not finish losing it all. And I am very upset about it. And interestingly, every time I set forth to lose it again I ended up adding more. I could never quite re-establish my commitment. Processed foods, sweets, and white carbs are highly addictive. Read the article above, she says some brilliant things about our guilt process, and why these foods combined with guilt keep us down, or heavily addicted actually.

Because I have gained back some weight, I stopped really "doing the business" side of Isagenix. The products are still amazing, AMAZING, but only if you use them. Slow down your business..the money slows down too, and then we can't afford to purchase them. I have Aaron still on many, and I am still on the one that soothes the womanly hormones, we will always find a way to keep that one around, seriously. It really calms down the crazies for me.  Aaron is still off all his diabetes meds, it's just wonderful.  I am not getting the cash flow anymore, due to guilt and embarrassment...

What else?
We struggle financially, all. the. time.
Our income will get a nice boost just to have another source vanish. It is painful, it is humbling, and we shake our heads at what is going on.
We tithe, we give offering too, we have learned to give even when it seems we don't have enough, and until this month we have always made it.

This month we didn't.
Not really sure what we are going to do about it, rent was due 2 days ago.
We will search for ways to improve and move on.

I could start doing the business again, you know, to be able to afford the products, to get back on track and lose the weight and start earning more income for the family again, except I am embarrassed and it looks like the stuff doesn't work, but it does, this was just me, failing again. So now what? Catch 22? I think so.

What I can do is this: I am participating in a 40 day fast with our church, it is lining up with Lent. I am giving up sugar. It is a big deal, it has me wrapped around it's sticky little finger. It pulls me in and keeps me close, stupid addiction. I am also giving up being mean to myself. That's right, I will not make comments regarding my fat, size, looks or anything of that nature for 40 days, (I will try to change the thoughts too). My husband will be thrilled, he hates it when I bash on his wife.

We will slowly get back to better eating using what we have and trying to build up our finances again. I will attempt re-building my business, or look into other ways of bringing in more income for our family. I am building my massage/Bowen therapy clients as well.

That's it. A glimpse of my life out there on the interwebs...
I have a plan, no idea if it will work, but I have it.
How about you?

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