Our church started something new this fall. Wednesday nights are now an everybody night. Instead of youth group one night, men's study another and ladies Bible study yet another we condensed it all so there is one trip for families. This is a wonderful thing. My husband leads the worship every other week, and he always wants me to sing with him. A few years ago I would have tried to wiggle my way out of it. Sure, I can carry a tune, and have good pitch, but I wasn't amazing, and only amazing people get to sing to God on stage, right?
Four years ago, in a desperate cry to the Lord for healing of my own soul I heard an answer,"just sing to me". I did. I was asked a week later to join Worship Team, I did. I struggled at first with so many songs I didn't know, but I kept at it. I learned what I could about voice training and my own voice, what it could do and how I could stretch it. I was no stranger to vocal training, I sang in a performing arts high school and in college as well, but this was different, this was trying to be excellent for God.
My voice has been stronger now, and I can do more with it. I feel a freedom now to really go for things, to express it and not just hide it. People have complimented me, and noticed the changes, and I talked long with the Lord to not let it go to my head. I need to live somewhere between "I suck" and "I have arrived", because neither is true.
Our weather changed this week. Ninety last week, forty-eight today. That's a big swoop. As soon as we slept with the windows shut I noticed a middle of the night coughing fit, something I hadn't had since the windows were open. I am beginning to suspect my down comforter, which frankly saddens me and I don't want to talk about it.
On to what happened last night. This weather change, and apparently air change in my room has left my voice hurting. Suddenly I can't make it be powerful, it's weak. We did a great set of worship songs last night. Aaron had me leading two in particular that I adore to sing with all my heart. I can enter in the throne room and sing them to God. They are just amazing. Rehearsal went well. I could tell my voice was tired compared to normal, not quite right.The actual service started and my voice did weird and funny things during these songs. In my head I kept thinking,"ACK!", but I would open my eyes and see that people were worshipping, not paying attention to me. I was so very thankful. My Worship pastor sat in the front row, along side her amazingly musically gifted daughter, and they just kept praising, not cringing, not staring me down. I know I am my hardest critic.
God can take us where we are, use our imperfections and glory to His name can happen anyway. I am so thankful!