I wrote this to a friend recently. It was a dark moment for me. I was being mentally attacked. I am doing much better now, but I wanted you to see that this side exists, sometimes I fall into the pit as well. Honesty is important to me. We try and put on a smiling face and tell the world we are okay...or worse, that we don't need them, but really, we are broken, and we need each other.
Pray for me my dear friend.
I am having a rough time.
I feel lost, and a failure.
Like I haven't done whatever it is I am supposed to.
I look to the Lord
I feel the tug of the world,
telling me I am worth nothing
not good enough, pretty enough
I can feel the pull
to strive for impossible perfection
Trying to remember who loves me the most,
who created me
and remember that I am made in his image
I can feel that I have new plans ahead, but I have no idea what they are, where they are going, or how to get there.
It is very exciting and scary.
And at the same time, I feel too old to do anything new, I see youth running by, learning new things and accomplishing things I always wanted too, and I feel trampled.