Friday, July 2, 2010

Billowing Sails

I am surrounded by pregnant people.

I am surrounded by the knowledge of pregnant people. Only a few of them technically live nearby. In area, at the church we ministered and a community we lived there are currently 9 with child. Some of which I know. In our own church there are a few, one just had her baby, one due soon and another due in September. Even on line "friends" are having or announcing babies. Two that are particularly special, 2 women, one I knew in elementary school, the other through her blog, both just a bit older than me...both got remarried this year, and both are now with child. What amazing blessings!

It is bittersweet and delightful, and amazing, and I am getting a little hormonal. No, not a little, I am getting so hormonal that it hurts. My body literally hurts, aches, yearns. Unless you have experienced this, I don't think you could possibly know this feeling, it's physical, not some mental thought about how nice another baby would be.

With the most recent pregnancy announcement I couldn't contain my glee and excitement and frankly I am a little loopy about this baby. Is this what it will be one day, OH SO MANY YEARS FROM NOW, when I become a grandma? I already love this child, how can this be? Am I living out my deepest desire for one more through a friend?

Doesn't matter.
This child will be a blessing and a joy.

I have to face my reality that I will never again be pregnant, just like I have for several years now. I teeter totter from thankful to hopeful, to down right sad I suppose. Realistically, having the kids we have , and no more makes perfect sense...but hormones don't listen to realistic expectations of life.
Neither does God.

It would take a miracle, but if he wants to give me one, I am ready.
And if the choices we made and the plans we think we have are okay, then I am okay with that too.

I'll just keep spilling over with joy for other people.

I hope they don't mind.

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