This is a story about a Turkey. A Turkey named Joe. (Thought I was going to say Tom huh?)
"This year", my mom said excitedly,"we have friends that are raising turkeys, and we bought one for Thanksgiving. It will be great, no hormones, no salt solution injected into the bird, no nitrates"
"Sounds great mom"
"Yeah, your dad will pick it up Tuesday night on his way home from work" .
My dad is out of retirement to work the census. They are utilizing his managerial skills and gave him some authority and with it, more hours.
We arrived at my parents home Tuesday evening, and shortly thereafter my dad arrived home as well...with a GIANT black garbage bag, inside of which was another bag, inside of which, was a 34 pound turkey.
You read that right.
34 pounds.
The thing was huge. It was kinda creepy too. It was twice the size and weight of an average turkey. A couple years ago our family cooked a 28 pound bird from Costco. I had just mentioned it to a friend the day before "Our family record is 28 pounds"...that was just shattered.


Conversations started popping up. Is the oven big enough? Turkey bags are too small, what's the new plan? Do you have a big enough pan? Should we cut it in half? Perhaps we should build a pit out back and cook it like your would a pig...seriously, it's that big.
The one thing we knew for sure...when usually only a little stuffing is inside the bird and the rest is cooked in a couple baking pans (we really love our stuffing around here) the reverse was about to happen. The night before there was a planning meeting regarding the size of the pan (barely fit) the size of the turkey bags and other factors. We ended up making a foil shield to jet out from the sides of the pan, on top of a cookie sheet while the bird was inside 2 turkey bags, one put on to each end of the turkey, overlapping in the middle. My dad has a degree in Physics Engineering...no 34 pound bird was going to beat him.

Will it fit?????

IT DID!!!!!!!!!!!! ...BARELY!!!!!!!!!
At one point we pulled it out to check the internal temperature. When my sister hoisted it back into the oven the sheer weight caused her to lose her balance and she nearly fell into the oven, head first. There are unknown dangers when dealing with large turkeys.

It was spectacular on many levels when it was done. My dad only carved half for dinner, which barely looked like we put a dent into it when the meal was over. The gravy filled a soup pot. Abundance. We are all very thankful for the abundance.

This is my mom. She is fabulous. I just wanted to throw that in. And the cabinets behind her? Yeah, my dad built those this year.










